And it's starting to scare me. Night after night, I've been afraid to go to sleep. I can't stand the nightmares anymore. One after another, I've watched those I care about go through situations no one should have to go through, while I'm forced to watch, without helping.
...and then there was the one dream. The one that wasn't a nightmare, but hit me harder than any of those nightmares. I should've known this would happen around this month. Not because anything's happening, but because of what should have happened. What hasn't happened. I didn't think it'd get to me like this again, but it has. And now that I know that one detail...nothing's going to be the same again. It's changed for me.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
"I wrote this song for a misunderstood stripper."
Well, it's happened again.
I've fallen in love with music. Again. But this time it isn't just any music. It's Texas Country.
Yes, I know, I bring up this genre a lot. But I can't seem to tear myself away from the sheer beauty that these artists bring into this world. I know that most people don't listen to it, or find it that inspiring, but I'm just gonna say that what makes this music so beautiful in part is knowing that the person who wrote it was from the state you're from, has probably eaten at the same Whataburger as you have, and has more than likely driven through your town thinking similar thoughts as you. They're so much more personal than Nashville stars or California dwellers (not stereotyping, just my opinion). All I know is, listening to these four artists/groups explaining and singing their songs for a crowd that consists mostly of bored college students has a certain level of "down to earth" associated with it. And the fact that they took the time to tell us how they came up with a song that means the world to them, or their stories of "It took me 18 years to become an overnight success" made the experience that much more special.
When it comes down to it, tonight made me want to immerse myself in music again. It even gave me hope for my own sad little musical abilities. And a night like that can't be bought or made. It just comes to you.
Kyle Park sang this tonight. He apparently wrote it in Brogdon Hall here on campus. It's a great day to be a Bobcat.
I've fallen in love with music. Again. But this time it isn't just any music. It's Texas Country.
Yes, I know, I bring up this genre a lot. But I can't seem to tear myself away from the sheer beauty that these artists bring into this world. I know that most people don't listen to it, or find it that inspiring, but I'm just gonna say that what makes this music so beautiful in part is knowing that the person who wrote it was from the state you're from, has probably eaten at the same Whataburger as you have, and has more than likely driven through your town thinking similar thoughts as you. They're so much more personal than Nashville stars or California dwellers (not stereotyping, just my opinion). All I know is, listening to these four artists/groups explaining and singing their songs for a crowd that consists mostly of bored college students has a certain level of "down to earth" associated with it. And the fact that they took the time to tell us how they came up with a song that means the world to them, or their stories of "It took me 18 years to become an overnight success" made the experience that much more special.
When it comes down to it, tonight made me want to immerse myself in music again. It even gave me hope for my own sad little musical abilities. And a night like that can't be bought or made. It just comes to you.
Kyle Park sang this tonight. He apparently wrote it in Brogdon Hall here on campus. It's a great day to be a Bobcat.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
And this is for colored girls, who have considered suicide, but are moving to the ends of their own rainbows...
I decided to watch For Colored Girls again. Probably not the best decision. It hit me just as much as it did the first time I saw it.
I find it ironic, that secretly (mainly because it's too bright to wear all the time is it a secret), my favorite color is orange, and Lady in Orange, or Tangie, is a character I relate to the most in this movie. Of course, Lady in Brown, Crystal, got to me a lot the first time I saw it. How could she not? Although truly, both seem to rock me to the core every time I think of this movie, though for different reasons.
This movie saved me once. Watching it again just made me happy that it did. And I hope it continues to save women every day.
I find it ironic, that secretly (mainly because it's too bright to wear all the time is it a secret), my favorite color is orange, and Lady in Orange, or Tangie, is a character I relate to the most in this movie. Of course, Lady in Brown, Crystal, got to me a lot the first time I saw it. How could she not? Although truly, both seem to rock me to the core every time I think of this movie, though for different reasons.
This movie saved me once. Watching it again just made me happy that it did. And I hope it continues to save women every day.
I should be asleep right now...
Well. It's 2:26 am. And I'm scrounging to do a Philosophy assignment. I should have been done with it...well, last month, and I still have to pack to go home. Why do I wait until the last possible moment to do anything? I usually just regret it in the end.
I feel like I'm being haunted by my mind. It won't let me rest. It keeps telling me that I've made more mistakes than I deserve to make, and that I'll be paying for them for the rest of eternity. The weird thing is, the prospect doesn't bother me as much as it should. Because I know I do deserve it. To pay for it, I mean. I've always chosen wrong, and it's about time I start to atone for those choices.
I feel like I'm being haunted by my mind. It won't let me rest. It keeps telling me that I've made more mistakes than I deserve to make, and that I'll be paying for them for the rest of eternity. The weird thing is, the prospect doesn't bother me as much as it should. Because I know I do deserve it. To pay for it, I mean. I've always chosen wrong, and it's about time I start to atone for those choices.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Why??????????????
I've lost everyone who's ever truly been there for me in a matter of hours. I don't understand why I'm such a fuck up. If I'd just done everything the way Gabie taught me and stayed that person I was, none of this would have fucking happened.
I need to go home. Though I doubt even they'd pay attention right now.
I need to go home. Though I doubt even they'd pay attention right now.
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