So. One of the coaches from my high school has a Facebook now. And just so everyone knows, no one liked this guy. But what amazes me is that his profile picture is taken 1.) In a mirror. 2.) In a dressing room in Wal-Mart, as proven by the background, and 3.) In clothes that have tags on them.
...I think that information is self-explanatory as to why I shared it.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A Conversation To Forget
Well, I'm back in San Marcos. Trust me, this wasn't by choice. I kind of had to come back. All I can say is my apartment is pretty cool, and my first night back wasn't too bad. It was actually kinda fun. But I can't wait for Laine to get back.
The weird thing, though, is probably the things that are on my mind. My mother and I had a conversation the day before I came back (Thursday) when we were driving around Corpus. I didn't mean to bring it up, it kind of just happened. But I instantly regretted opening my mouth. You might be thinking,'oh, she got the sex talk again, huh?'. Nope. Worse. It was about my father.
I suppose I should explain. My father is a recovering alcoholic. It'll be ten years on September 11 this year that he's been sober. The thing is, I don't remember his drinking. In fact, I don't remember anything. The first ten years of my life are a blur, spotted with memories of faces and a couple of my worst 'Leah, what the HELL did you do?!' moments. So when I try to think about it, I honestly pull a blank. But my mother started to talk about in a completely different way than she usually did. She started giving me details of the past, things that I didn't know...or rather, don't remember. And some of it I really wish she hadn't told me, I could have done without that in my head. But the worst part was that she talked about the one thing I thought I vividly remembered, the day he stopped drinking. You see, I remember it happening all in one day, the towers falling, coming home, getting that phone call, hearing my father's voice from jail, and him coming home that afternoon after my grandfather bailed him out (my mother refused to). But apparently, that's not how it happened. He was in jail for two days before he was bailed out. Two! And I honestly look back and can't find that anywhere in my mind. I thought I knew it so well. Part of me is sincerely scared that my mind is that good at blocking it out. The other part of me is glad. Because if I was upset in the memories I do have, I don't want to think about how I was for two days.
I feel like my eyes have been opened, whether I like it or not.
The weird thing, though, is probably the things that are on my mind. My mother and I had a conversation the day before I came back (Thursday) when we were driving around Corpus. I didn't mean to bring it up, it kind of just happened. But I instantly regretted opening my mouth. You might be thinking,'oh, she got the sex talk again, huh?'. Nope. Worse. It was about my father.
I suppose I should explain. My father is a recovering alcoholic. It'll be ten years on September 11 this year that he's been sober. The thing is, I don't remember his drinking. In fact, I don't remember anything. The first ten years of my life are a blur, spotted with memories of faces and a couple of my worst 'Leah, what the HELL did you do?!' moments. So when I try to think about it, I honestly pull a blank. But my mother started to talk about in a completely different way than she usually did. She started giving me details of the past, things that I didn't know...or rather, don't remember. And some of it I really wish she hadn't told me, I could have done without that in my head. But the worst part was that she talked about the one thing I thought I vividly remembered, the day he stopped drinking. You see, I remember it happening all in one day, the towers falling, coming home, getting that phone call, hearing my father's voice from jail, and him coming home that afternoon after my grandfather bailed him out (my mother refused to). But apparently, that's not how it happened. He was in jail for two days before he was bailed out. Two! And I honestly look back and can't find that anywhere in my mind. I thought I knew it so well. Part of me is sincerely scared that my mind is that good at blocking it out. The other part of me is glad. Because if I was upset in the memories I do have, I don't want to think about how I was for two days.
I feel like my eyes have been opened, whether I like it or not.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Well this was unexpected...
Two major things have happened:
1. I just got news that I'm probably a bone marrow match. Wow. I never expected this kind of thing to happen. I could actually help someone, given that I'm picked for it in the end. I still have to test further and stuff.
2. I got the most random phone call last night...from my dad. Not my biological dad. My BA dad. And it was both awesome and horrible. Awesome because I hadn't talked to him in forever, and I miss him. Horrible because I was about to cry the entire time, though I tried my best to not let on that I was. He just caught me by complete surprise. I was already upset from earlier that day with several texts from a friend and thoughts running through my mind. So my emotional stability was questionable at the least. But I can at least say that his phone call reminded me that at least someone cares out there...lately I've gotten the vibe from a lot of people that I'm basically the friend they shoo away when they get bored with me, like a 5 yr old with a new puppy. The novelty rubs off after a while.
I can't take many more surprises! For once, I'd like one day where I didn't have something to freak about. And just think, yesterday was a two in one whammy. Good grief. Time to drink more tea and hope my father takes the news of the marrow match well tonight.
1. I just got news that I'm probably a bone marrow match. Wow. I never expected this kind of thing to happen. I could actually help someone, given that I'm picked for it in the end. I still have to test further and stuff.
2. I got the most random phone call last night...from my dad. Not my biological dad. My BA dad. And it was both awesome and horrible. Awesome because I hadn't talked to him in forever, and I miss him. Horrible because I was about to cry the entire time, though I tried my best to not let on that I was. He just caught me by complete surprise. I was already upset from earlier that day with several texts from a friend and thoughts running through my mind. So my emotional stability was questionable at the least. But I can at least say that his phone call reminded me that at least someone cares out there...lately I've gotten the vibe from a lot of people that I'm basically the friend they shoo away when they get bored with me, like a 5 yr old with a new puppy. The novelty rubs off after a while.
I can't take many more surprises! For once, I'd like one day where I didn't have something to freak about. And just think, yesterday was a two in one whammy. Good grief. Time to drink more tea and hope my father takes the news of the marrow match well tonight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)