Very Different...

Holy Spirit Prayer
Eternal Flame, come to my aid,
Show unto me the righteous path,
And lend me the strength
To keep going. Amen.

Bear With Me, This Will Be Long...

So I was looking through my book and I realized: I have 3 Love poems. 

Not 3 poems only about love, but 3 poems titled Love. (well, Love, Love II, and Love III, respectfully) So that implies that I should post them together. Problem? Love II has a partner poem. So. This post will have 4 poems total. Here goes nothing!

Love
Love isn't patient.
It's restless.
Your hands, body and soul
Twitch with the
Anticipation of a
Single touch.
Love is not kind.
It's cruel.
It tears at your
Heartstrings,
Bringing tears to your 
Eyes for the
Longing of it.
So why do people always
Lie about how it really is?
Maybe they don't
Really know true love.

(Notes: I'm not trying to go against the Bible. I took a little artistic license. Trust me, I love those verses. Heck, I'm Catholic! The reason I bring it up is that I know some have read it and commented that the defiant, borderline sacrilegious tone bothered them. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.)

(The next two poems are designed to be complete opposites. I know. Dumb. But they face each other in my poetry book and I just find it fitting.)

Hell
I'm sorry.
You must understand...this wasn't your fault.
It was my choice.
Please don't forget me.
That's all I ask of you.
Believe me when I say I love you.
I always will.
I just saw this as the best solution.
Trust me when I say it is better this way.
I couldn't keep living like that.
I know all that's left is Hell.
It doesn't matter.
I've been living in Hell for too long.
At least now, I know why I deserve it.

Love II
It's funny when you're in love.
Clouds dance endlessly around the sun.
Everything seems three times brighter.
Your heart jumps at the mere thought of it.
Happiness becomes a real possibility.
Nothing can even dream of messing up.
Your soul seems three times fuller than before.
Amazing, really.
To think how it all started.
One.
Single.
Person.

(Notes: No, Hell was never intended to be a personal suicide letter disguised as a poem. I've had someone ask that, too.)

Love III
It's rather stupid, personally.
I feel like I can tell you anything,...and yet,
There is so much I'm holding back.
It feels as though if I tell you, I'll lose you.
If I tell you too much, I'm afraid it will scare you away.
Like how can I tell you I love you?
You don't just say that to best friends.
It's an unwritten law.
You know I like you.
But I don't think you will ever understand -
Don't say you will! - Just let me finish! -
Just how much I love you.
I love you more than Penelope longed for Odysseus.
Or more than the mischievous stars love to sparkle brilliantly       in the pitch-black sky.
You have no idea.
Love has never entered your mind.
But it's haunted mine for quite some time.
I've tried my best to hide it,
For fear it will tear us apart.
Friendships aren't meant to handle this.
This one-sided, idiotically impossible love.
I know how you feel:
Nothing like how I feel for you.
And I know there is nothing I can do to change that.
So for a time, I like to think I shouldn't tell you.
It won't matter anyway.
But deep in my soul, I know keeping it from you is wrong.
I'm just so afraid of how you would react.
Of what it would make you do.
So please, promise me one thing.
Don't leave me, even if you can't look me in the eye.
Don't tell me things are different and it's too weird.
Because you may not be able to handle love,
But I can't handle a life without it,...without you.
Even if I can't say it face to face,...
I love you too much to lose you.

(Notes: This was (regretfully) non-fiction. And the person it was written for did read it. And to my surprise, it went over well. And just a random fact because it's late and I feel like making this THAT much longer, I've always been completely mesmerized by the love between Penelope and Odysseus in Homer's The Odyssey. They loved each other so much that 20 freaking years of absence didn't tear them apart. Sorry, but that tops Romeo and Juliet any day. So I often refer to it in some form or fashion throughout my life.)

Need To Keep Up With Posting These

This poem. This one is actually non-fiction. Who it was about, I'd rather not say. But the irony of the outcome of the situation still resonates with me to this day. You see, the last request in this poem was actually fulfilled. The irony is that the end of the story was nowhere near what was anticipated or even expected in wildest dreams from either of us. I have to admit that I like this one a lot. I wrote it during an emotion when I rarely allow myself to write (anger), and honestly, the raw clarity is still striking to me. Granted, it's not perfect, nor what I would consider publish worthy. But it wasn't written for that, and the goal of it was accomplished: clearing my mind.

(P.S. Andrea, this is for you, too. 371-VST!)



One Request
I see it coming.
Don't worry
I understand.
Break my heart.
Tear me down.
Do what you have to.
Fall for her.
Love her.
Make me hate you.
Make me forget you.
Tell me what I dread.
Because I'm tired.
Tired of loving.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of hoping.
Tired of longing.
Of lying to myself.
Of making excuses.
Of keeping hope alive.
Of losing my mind.
Leave me alone.
Let me be.
Let me stop loving you.
Kill my dreams.
Crumble my heart.
Crush my soul.
Annihilate my love for you.
Do for me what I can't do for myself.
I can't stop loving you.
I can't stop needing you.
I can't hate you.
Not without cause.
So give me one good reason.
Choose her over me.
Make her yours.
Then maybe my world will collapse.
Like it needs to.
Because you're holding me back.
You always have.
And always will.
I'm begging you...just break me.
On second thought...
Prove me wrong.
Please.

Coheed Induced Art...

New watercolors + @Coheed = ... on Twitpic

...Just Feels Like The Night For One Of These

A Word

She watched as the dawn slowly brightened the room,

Listening to the sound of his breathing,

Concentrating on remembering the moment.

For the moments were rare and hard to come by.

There were no words to describe it,

The feeling she had when his arms were around her,

His skin against hers.

She couldn't call it heaven,

For Heaven is a place not of this planet.

She was positive it was beyond bliss,

Beyond even the happiest of dreams,

But what kind of word could begin to paint that image?

He shifted suddenly,

And she turned to see a frown marring his features.

She slowly and gently pressed her lips to his,

And smiled slightly as the furrows smoothed,

His face once again an image of indescribable beauty.

As she settled back down against his side,

Finding that perfect crook in his shoulder to rest her head,

A single word suddenly popped into her mind,

Bursting into light like a sparkler on the Fourth of July.

Euphoria.

Yes, she thought as she drifted back to sleep,

Utter euphoria.

Withdrawal

When you're upset, do you retreat? Hide away from the world? 

I used to do that a lot, thinking that it would be easier and better. But listening and talking to friends about it has made me realize something. Usually, you're upset from an inner turmoil, a problem that is played on repeat in your mind. So how is it beneficial to retreat to solitude? It was never a thought to me. I had always fooled myself that isolation would help, but now I see that it's true: to help yourself, sometimes you have to force yourself to reach out, ask for the help you need and make sure you aren't alone. 

I'm going to try that from now on, but with more of a fortitude behind my actions.

Trigonometry

Trigonometry is something I've never studied. Never really had an interest. But you know what, I feel like I'm kind of an expert. Why? Because I've been in a triangle. Literally been one of the points of a triangle. For months. And it stinks, because triangles are not my favorite shape. At all. My favorite shape is a star...mainly because they're always mentioned in Lord of the Rings and I can draw a really legit one. But still, I've never been a fan of triangles. They're annoying, and to me, they never resolve. If you know what I mean. And I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm sick of triangles, sick of being the point in a perpetually unresolved situation. The only problem is that I can't help but stay part of this triangle, part of this completely emotional clusterf***. Why? 

Being a triangle is better than being a dot.  


...However, I think for my sanity, I need to figure out the theory of lines. 

Chuck Lorre Fanatic? Why Yes, Yes I Am...

I've done it. I've found the Chuck Lorre Vanity Cards posted at the end of every episode of his tv sitcoms.

I may never be bored again.

http://www.chucklorre.com/index.php?p=1 

Go have fun, fellow Chuck Lorre fans!!!

Poteet And Pat

Poteet Strawberry Festival.

Those three words get me so hyper and excited that most people in my family know to not say them unless the other necessary three words (Yes, we're going.) follow IMMEDIATELY. 

Anyway, I went today to the small town of Poteet to partake in the wonderful festivities they have there that center around the locally grown strawberries of fame. And once again, I was not disappointed. First order of business was, of course, the chocolate-dipped strawberries. After that, it all went uphill. I had a glorious time with all of the food that was at my disposal (or rather, arms reach to devour). Especially the strawberry bread, sold by the Poteet Fightin' Aggie Band. And let me tell you, I was never prouder of band geeks than those selling that absolutely delectable strawberry bread. It. Was. Marvelous. Looking for a recipe for that is actually on my to-do list now. It was that good. I went back for seconds. Why do I keep going on about strawberry bread? Because it has changed my life. ...Or taste buds. Whichever works.

And then, at 5 o'clock (Haha, 5 o'clock, appropriate timing...), the Pat Green concert started. A free concert. It was his first time headlining at Poteet Strawberry Festival, and he did not disappoint. He, and his band of merry Texans (except for the bassist from Richmond, VA, but we can excuse him since he lives in Austin now), put on a spectacular show, and got me in the mood for Texas Country yet again. And I walked away with the replacement for the CD of his that was stolen back in high school. This was a huge deal for me, and I'm happy about it. I get to jam to Pat Green again.

All in all, the day was great. Let's see what the night brings.