Saturday, July 30, 2011
Uh-oh...
So it's another bad day at the bakery. Well, it's never a bad day for me per say...I just have to deal with the family politics. You see, the owner of the bakery is my older cousin...and her twin sister works here with her. The bickering lately has been NON-STOP. Now, I can understand being frustrated, but this time, they really just need to realize that it's too much.
Friday, July 29, 2011
I've got no room for mercy. That's my heart laying on the floor...
Wanna know a secret? It's not that good, but it's kind of a big telling factor about me.
I have...a rather terminal temper. See, not too exciting. But still noteworthy. You see, I don't get angry very often, and I'm actually a rather patient person. But when it comes to those times I do get spitting mad, it never ends well. I don't listen to any argument detailing as to why I'm in the wrong, or listen to an apology or explanation. When I'm pissed, you can bet I'll stay that way for a while. The longest run has been years. And because of my inability to listen during these bouts of rage, I've been known to make some rash decisions. Like dropping friends completely, saying I never want to speak to someone again, blocking people on Facebook, getting severely close to punching the daylights out of someone (even in a bar...and that wasn't someone I even knew well). Obviously, some of these are highly irreversible. Even so, it happens.
So why bring this up now? Well...because that urge to punch the daylights out of someone has returned. With a vengeance. I've been contemplating my tirade, how exactly I could cut them out of my life, just how wonderful it would feel to slap the s*** out of them...oh yeah, been planning it all. Bad thing is, they don't even know it yet. A 10% part of my brain is saying, warn them, idiot. The other 90%...is relishing in the idea of catching them off-guard. I've asked advice on this (seeing as I've had plenty of time to contemplate), and I've gotten supporters of either side. Go figure. One friend said "You should really rethink it, maybe try to talk to them calmly, don't write them off just yet." The other said "Do it. It seems like they deserve it." Personally, I don't think the first is possible, seeing as I can barely think of doing anything calmly at this point. At the same time, though, I think they're right about me rethinking. Do I really wanna lose someone else because of my stupid temper? I can't even answer that...
I'm not sure what I'll do. However, I do know that my eyes are dry and burning out of their sockets because of my ridiculous allergies. Pretty sure it's the cats that wander around outside. Stupid cats.
Oh, the title. No Room For Mercy by Bleu Edmondson. Great Texas country artist. Even greater song. It's been fitting my mood.
I have...a rather terminal temper. See, not too exciting. But still noteworthy. You see, I don't get angry very often, and I'm actually a rather patient person. But when it comes to those times I do get spitting mad, it never ends well. I don't listen to any argument detailing as to why I'm in the wrong, or listen to an apology or explanation. When I'm pissed, you can bet I'll stay that way for a while. The longest run has been years. And because of my inability to listen during these bouts of rage, I've been known to make some rash decisions. Like dropping friends completely, saying I never want to speak to someone again, blocking people on Facebook, getting severely close to punching the daylights out of someone (even in a bar...and that wasn't someone I even knew well). Obviously, some of these are highly irreversible. Even so, it happens.
So why bring this up now? Well...because that urge to punch the daylights out of someone has returned. With a vengeance. I've been contemplating my tirade, how exactly I could cut them out of my life, just how wonderful it would feel to slap the s*** out of them...oh yeah, been planning it all. Bad thing is, they don't even know it yet. A 10% part of my brain is saying, warn them, idiot. The other 90%...is relishing in the idea of catching them off-guard. I've asked advice on this (seeing as I've had plenty of time to contemplate), and I've gotten supporters of either side. Go figure. One friend said "You should really rethink it, maybe try to talk to them calmly, don't write them off just yet." The other said "Do it. It seems like they deserve it." Personally, I don't think the first is possible, seeing as I can barely think of doing anything calmly at this point. At the same time, though, I think they're right about me rethinking. Do I really wanna lose someone else because of my stupid temper? I can't even answer that...
I'm not sure what I'll do. However, I do know that my eyes are dry and burning out of their sockets because of my ridiculous allergies. Pretty sure it's the cats that wander around outside. Stupid cats.
Oh, the title. No Room For Mercy by Bleu Edmondson. Great Texas country artist. Even greater song. It's been fitting my mood.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
We're going down, down, down doing shots on the hood of my car!
THERE IS A NEW KE$HA SINGLE!!!!!
As you can tell, I'm very excited. This will be my theme song for the fall semester. Why? It makes me feel...wrecklessly happy.
Peace and love.
As you can tell, I'm very excited. This will be my theme song for the fall semester. Why? It makes me feel...wrecklessly happy.
Peace and love.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
And even though I know that every time I take a drink, it brings me down, down, down, down...
Nope. Not drunk, in case anyone is wondering. That is merely the lyrics to my latest favorite Texas Country song, Down by The Captain Legendary. Here, check it out!
Needless to say, it does say a little something about my mood. But I'll be honest, I've become a Texas Country Junkie...that sadly rhymes...wow. Anyway, I found the GREATEST store for buying things such as this song. Though I opted for the She's Like Texas album by Josh Abbott Band. I really can't help it. I've always been drawn to the kind of country that talks about real things, like drinking away someone's memory (unsuccessfully), or being completely heartbroken and trying to get it together. Or better yet, songs that speak about places I know, and have actually been to...like Texas Country. Drinking on an Agua Dulce porch (5 miles away from where I live), or singing on the seawall of Corpus Christi Bay just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. But if you wanna check out more of what I'm talking about, listen to Whiskey Days by JB and the Moonshine Band or Velvet by Stoney Larue. The simplicity really hits you.
That's the upside of my days lately. The other side could be termed as fear. Why? Well, I'm scared of going back to school. For once, instead of running from home and all the problems there, I've run to home. And I admit I feel completely safe and comfortable here, possibly for the first time ever. I'm not too keen on the idea of going back to face everything I want to stay away from and forget in San Marcos. While it would be nice to see a few people...I'm almost better off without everything back in San Marcos in my life. Sure, I miss the freedom, and it'd be nice to walk out the door for a walk every now and then, but I can honestly say I don't miss much else. Every time I think about going back to that city I get a knot in my stomach, and feel like curling up in a ball.
It's not gonna be the same when I get back. Call it intuition, call it chicken salad, but I know this semester will be different. It's like something snapped in me this summer. Everything's changed.
Needless to say, it does say a little something about my mood. But I'll be honest, I've become a Texas Country Junkie...that sadly rhymes...wow. Anyway, I found the GREATEST store for buying things such as this song. Though I opted for the She's Like Texas album by Josh Abbott Band. I really can't help it. I've always been drawn to the kind of country that talks about real things, like drinking away someone's memory (unsuccessfully), or being completely heartbroken and trying to get it together. Or better yet, songs that speak about places I know, and have actually been to...like Texas Country. Drinking on an Agua Dulce porch (5 miles away from where I live), or singing on the seawall of Corpus Christi Bay just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. But if you wanna check out more of what I'm talking about, listen to Whiskey Days by JB and the Moonshine Band or Velvet by Stoney Larue. The simplicity really hits you.
That's the upside of my days lately. The other side could be termed as fear. Why? Well, I'm scared of going back to school. For once, instead of running from home and all the problems there, I've run to home. And I admit I feel completely safe and comfortable here, possibly for the first time ever. I'm not too keen on the idea of going back to face everything I want to stay away from and forget in San Marcos. While it would be nice to see a few people...I'm almost better off without everything back in San Marcos in my life. Sure, I miss the freedom, and it'd be nice to walk out the door for a walk every now and then, but I can honestly say I don't miss much else. Every time I think about going back to that city I get a knot in my stomach, and feel like curling up in a ball.
It's not gonna be the same when I get back. Call it intuition, call it chicken salad, but I know this semester will be different. It's like something snapped in me this summer. Everything's changed.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Caffeine Addictions And Birthday Cakes
So. It's 6:28 am (at the time I've started writing this, I know it won't be by the time I post). And I already have a sweet tea in my hand. See, something happens to me when I get home. I become a sweet-tea-drinking-fiend. There's really no denying I have a problem. I blame my mother, of course, seeing as she's the one who makes about a gallon every day. I have to help her drink it. It'd be rude otherwise! ...yeah, I'm just justifying it. Not really helping.
Anyway, so today is my last day of work for TWO WEEKS. TWO! This is both really cool and depressing. Depressing because, obviously, I love work. So to have to give it up for two weeks is crazy. Really cool because it's the first sign that my birthday is about a week away. I'll be 20!!! No longer a teenager (whoop-dee-doo), but still treated like one! Yeah, I know, I'm complaining. Can't really help it. Out of 20 years, I've been able to celebrate...zero...birthdays with friends. It's always a celebration with family, and ONLY with family. My mother makes sure of it. Just once, I'd love to see a friend on my birthday instead of being forced to explain yet again why I can't invite them, and why it's an iffy situation if they drop by the house (done only once, luckily by a friend my mother loves...who of course, was female). Don't get me wrong, the lopsided cakes made by my little cousins are great, and the movie trips to go see cartoons are kind of cool, but they got pretty repetitive and old a long time ago. I never get to truly do what I want for my birthday, it's always what I can do with the kids, or what's possible for my parents and my aunt to do with an allotted time space. I can almost guarantee this time around that I'll end up going to the movies to see a something my mother's really wanted to see instead of Green Lantern like I want to, and end up eating cake at 7:30 at night that looks like a truck hit it. And it'll probably be chocolate, because that's what Leah's always had for her birthday, and I'll mostly get music, because what else would Leah ever want? To be perfectly honest, my birthday is a vivid reminder of how much my family doesn't listen to what I want, on the one day when it's not a crime to get what I want, just once.
Speaking of birthday cakes, however, I made one for Angelina last night. Even though her birthday is after mine, she won't be around to celebrate it. So Maria Inez and I made a white cake with strawberry frosting. But thanks to my bakery training, it actually came out...pretty. My new knowledge of stacking and frosting and sprinkling made it the best cake I may have made to date. It was kind of exciting. And the whole process reminded me that I do still have things in common with Maria Inez, and she isn't some strange child that's foreign to me like the distance I felt in San Marcos made me thought. It was a comfort to realize that.
I have two wishes for my birthday. One involves an engine and four wheels, so I doubt that one would ever come true. But the other involves...on second thought, I think I'll keep it to myself. If I tell, then it really won't come true.
Namarie.
Anyway, so today is my last day of work for TWO WEEKS. TWO! This is both really cool and depressing. Depressing because, obviously, I love work. So to have to give it up for two weeks is crazy. Really cool because it's the first sign that my birthday is about a week away. I'll be 20!!! No longer a teenager (whoop-dee-doo), but still treated like one! Yeah, I know, I'm complaining. Can't really help it. Out of 20 years, I've been able to celebrate...zero...birthdays with friends. It's always a celebration with family, and ONLY with family. My mother makes sure of it. Just once, I'd love to see a friend on my birthday instead of being forced to explain yet again why I can't invite them, and why it's an iffy situation if they drop by the house (done only once, luckily by a friend my mother loves...who of course, was female). Don't get me wrong, the lopsided cakes made by my little cousins are great, and the movie trips to go see cartoons are kind of cool, but they got pretty repetitive and old a long time ago. I never get to truly do what I want for my birthday, it's always what I can do with the kids, or what's possible for my parents and my aunt to do with an allotted time space. I can almost guarantee this time around that I'll end up going to the movies to see a something my mother's really wanted to see instead of Green Lantern like I want to, and end up eating cake at 7:30 at night that looks like a truck hit it. And it'll probably be chocolate, because that's what Leah's always had for her birthday, and I'll mostly get music, because what else would Leah ever want? To be perfectly honest, my birthday is a vivid reminder of how much my family doesn't listen to what I want, on the one day when it's not a crime to get what I want, just once.
Speaking of birthday cakes, however, I made one for Angelina last night. Even though her birthday is after mine, she won't be around to celebrate it. So Maria Inez and I made a white cake with strawberry frosting. But thanks to my bakery training, it actually came out...pretty. My new knowledge of stacking and frosting and sprinkling made it the best cake I may have made to date. It was kind of exciting. And the whole process reminded me that I do still have things in common with Maria Inez, and she isn't some strange child that's foreign to me like the distance I felt in San Marcos made me thought. It was a comfort to realize that.
I have two wishes for my birthday. One involves an engine and four wheels, so I doubt that one would ever come true. But the other involves...on second thought, I think I'll keep it to myself. If I tell, then it really won't come true.
Namarie.
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