Rain...
Here's another secret.
I love it.
I've always had this fascination with rain. Maybe it's because in South Texas, we more often than not have crazy long droughts and we're praying for the rain to save the grain and cotton. Maybe it's because the symbolism behind rain pulls at the fantastical side of my mind. Regardless of why, I simply can never hate it. It's a beautiful thing, and even if I get soaking wet and I'm freezing to death in a class or I feel miserable two days later, I still like it. The world gets quieter when it rains, like a hush overtakes the Earth and all in it. Not to mention, I've always seen rain as a sign of new beginnings, a cleansing of what was cracked, dry and brittle into something full of life. And at this point in my life, new beginnings would be welcome.
The rain always makes me think of that B.J. Thomas song. Yes, I'm a college student who knows who B.J. Thomas is. There's not many of us left, but we're still around! It's always been one of my favorite songs, mostly because it came out on Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid, which, if you have never seen, is one of my favorite westerns starring Robert Redford and Paul Newman.
Watch a clip, if you'd like. Personally, it's wonderful. My favorite scene in the movie by far.
So I find it funny that something that's normally considered gloomy and depressing and such actually pulled me out of the worst of those feelings into something bearable today. But then again, I can't be the only one who loves the rain, right?
The poem I'm posting today is one that I wrote when I was missing a friend and it was more than I could bear. He had been there for me through everything, and then without warning was torn out of my life. Luckily, we've still had a chance to keep in touch despite circumstances, and I can honestly say I owe him more than my life. Pat, since hopefully you'll get to read this, I love you more than words can say, and I hope that whatever your doing, wherever you are, you'll know that I'm keeping you forever in my heart.
IDK
IDK...
IDK what it is I'm feeling right now.
IDK whether to feel sad, angry or happy.
IDK what's going on anymore.
IDK why the weather seems to be so beautiful and awful at the same time.
IDK when we'll have track practice again.
IDK what this desk is made of...I've always wondered.
IDK why Menchaca likes the Red Balloon.
IDK why my key fell off yesterday.
IDK whether I'll try out for Drum Major again or not.
IDK why this week has totally, utterly stunk.
IDK how a computer works.
IDK why nail polish has to always chip.
IDK what we did last period, I just did it.
IDK why music can make me feel so alive...and yet so dead.
IDK where Antonio went...he's probably dead.
IDK how I'm gonna get to State in Solo.
IDK what my SSN is...I know, pathetic.
IDK how Super Graph Man can have such NEAT handwriting.
IDK why I slack off.
IDK what my best friend is doing right now.
IDK a thing about politics,...but I'd vote anyway if I could.
IDK why they painted the classrooms yellow...don't they know yellow makes you want to leave a room faster?
IDK where they make Levi's...I'd like to though.
IDK where exactly I'll go to college.
IDK where Kim is gonna go, either.
IDK why everyone's wearing pink or grey today.
IDK what the heck I'm talking about half the time.
IDK why I like running...I just do.
IDK why I haven't fixed my ring yet...I should.
IDK why Andrea and I are laughing at this exact moment.
IDK why there's a star on the wall.
IDK if I'll ever learn to drive.
IDK what the heck feudalism is...I can never remember!
IDK what time it is.
IDK when I learned to read.
IDK if the Varsity Football guys will go to Playoffs next year.
IDK why most socks are white...that's a really good subject to think about.
IDK why I like FanFiction.net...but it's addictive.
IDK what's in eyeliner...maybe I don't want to.
IDK how I'll get through college.
IDK what is wrong with you.
IDK why they play this song ALL THE TIME!!!
IDK what day I met you...but I don't regret it.
IDK why things have to be this way...all I know is it's not fair.
IDK why life has taken such a turn.
IDK if the pain will ever stop...I hope it does.
IDK what the Lord has planned...but it's bigger than anything we've ever dreamed up.
IDK why everything has a song to go with it.
IDK what's gonna happen next...but I know we're ready for it.
IDK how it will end...but that's the fun of it.
IDK a lot of things...but I do know I love you, and that makes it all better.
IDK if you'll ever read this...if you do...don't ask what I was thinking...
Cuz IDK...I never do.
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